You wake up, you’re feeling good
You’re the king of your whole neighborhood
Got a car, got a job, got a girl
You’re on top of the world

On the highway you see a trail of smoke
Your engine starts to sputter, hiss, and choke
You pull into a station off Route 1
The mechanic takes a look and he says, son...

“I think we need to talk”
Six words nobody wants to hear
“It’s gonna cost you 800 bucks
If you want to get your car back into gear”

You taxi into work by 10
Boss says, “You know you’re late again”
Since day one on the job he’s had his doubts
Now he grabs you by the collar and he shouts

“I think we need to talk” (I think we need to talk)
Six words nobody wants to hear
“Clear your desk, be gone by 12 o’clock”
So much for your promising career

On the way home you drop in on an old pal
Who’s always there when things have gone to hell
Door’s open so you knock and walk on in
And find your sweetheart loving your best friend (guess what she says)

“I think we need to talk” (I think we need to talk)
Six words nobody wants to hear
“I know this comes as quite a shock
Now be a sport and hand me my brassiere”

I think we need to talk (I think we need to talk)
Six words nobody wants to hear
Bad news is circling like a hawk
And you know darn well the end is near
Yeah you know damn well the end is near

Came home from the show, way I always do
18 dollars and a broken string or two
Then I recalled the singer from the evening’s final act
Borrowed my capo and never gave it back

She stole my capo, then she stole my heart
She knew it was something I would miss
I lost the cheater’s way of playin’ my part
But I found the key to happiness

I saw her six weeks later at a Christmas jamboree
I said, “Hey, you’re the little thief who’s got my property”
She said, “I knew you’d find me here, at least that was my plan --
I know it sounds peculiar but I hope you’ll understand”

She reached into her pocket, for a moment time stood still
I saw a flash of silver, it gave me such a thrill

She stole my capo, then she stole my heart
She knew it was something I would miss
I lost the cheater’s way of playin’ my part
But I found the key to happiness

I drove her back to her house, she asked me if I’d come in
She took out her guitar and started softly strummin’
We spent the whole night singin’ sad old country songs
Now I believe my capo is right where it belongs

She stole my capo, then she stole my heart
She knew it was something I would miss
I lost the cheater’s way of playin’ my part
But I found the key to happiness

I’m semi-suicidal since a trucker stole my wife
I’m contemplating all the ways that I might end my life
Pills would make it easy but I’d rather do it my way
That’s why I’m drivin’ 90 eastbound in the westbound highway

I was drivin’ out to Austin in my Datsun with my bride
We’d set out from New Orleans, a 500-mile ride
At twelve o’clock we needed gas and she turned me and said:
“Why don’t we get some lunch at that truckstop up ahead?”

Inside were 20 truckers who’d parked their 18-wheelers
I had a premonition that one would try and steal her
When a man in flannel sidled up to her at the buffet
I could see my baby laughing ... and slowly slippin’ away

We made it out to Texas but something wasn’t right
I could tell her mind was somewhere else in the hotel room that night
In the morning when I woke up and got out of bed
I found a note on the mirror and this is what it said:

“I hate to leave this way but I’ve got no choice
Something moved inside of me when I heard that stranger’s voice
I’ve got a thing for truckers, and I swear it made me sweat
when he told me he could give me a ride I’d never forget”

I’m semi-suicidal since a trucker stole my wife
I’m contemplating all the ways that I might end my life
Pills would make it easy but I’d rather do it my way
That’s why I’m drivin’ 90 eastbound in the westbound highway

Now I’m on the road again with troopers on my trail
There’s a roadblock up ahead, behind me sirens wail
I’m feelin’ kinda peaceful as the cars swerve left and right
A man has a lot to think about when a trucker steals his wife

You say you don’t want to see me today
You’re busy each weekend, all through the end of May
I don’t understand it, it all seems so strange
Oh, this all will seem funny, when we are engaged

This will all seem funny when we are engaged
We’ll laugh like hyenas, freed from a cage
And when we’re all done laughing, you’ll look me in the eye
And tell me that you’ll love me until the day I die

You say you regret the sweet things you said
You weren’t thinking clearly, you must have lost your head
You ask me to move on and salvage some pride
Oh, this will all seem funny when you are my bride

This will all seem funny when you are my bride
We’ll laugh like little children on a carousel ride
And when we’re all done laughing, you’ll look me in the eye
And tell me that you’ll love me until the day I die

You say you’re heading out West in the fall
You don’t you want me to write you, you don’t want me to call
You won’t tell me the town and you won’t tell me the state
Oh, this will all seem funny when we’re old and gray

This will all seem funny when we’re old and gray
We’ll laugh like young lovers on Valentine’s Day
And when we’re all done laughing, you’ll look me in the eye
And tell me that you’ll love me until the day I die

Why don’t you take my hand, and look me in the eye
And tell me that you’ll love me until the day I die?

Wallet and keys, wallet and keys, I can’t find my wallet and keys
Searched every room, on my hands and my knees
Somebody tell me please, where’d you hide my wallet and keys

Chief of police, chief of police, has anyone seen the chief of police
Heard he left town with the zookeeper’s niece
Will wonders never cease, nobody’s seen the chief of police

Seventeen days, seventeen days, ain’t seen my gal in seventeen days
She’s out in LA, doin’ the latest dance craze
I hope it’s just a phase, I’m missin’ her for seventeen days

Singin’ the blues, singin’ the blues, I’m in the dark, singin’ the blues
The neighbors downstairs just blew a fuse
Can’t even watch the news, so I’m sittin’ here singing the blues

Wallet and keys, hands and my knees, chief of police, zookeeper’s niece
Seventeen days, doin’ the latest dance craze
Singin’ the blues, just blew a fuse/

I forgot to put gas in my car, so I stalled at the side of the road
I forgot to set my VCR, so I missed an all-new episode
So many things I seem to forget, there’s just one I haven’t yet
Like a policeman hanging onto a clue, I can’t seem to forget about you
I can’t seem to forget about you

I forgot to close the windows, flies are buzzin’ ’round the trash
I forgot to wash my elbows, I woke up this morning with a rash
So many things I seem to forget, there’s just one I haven’t yet
Like a big ol’ pebble in a worn out shoe, I can’t seem to forget about you
I can’t seem to forget about you

Love is blind but its memory’s fine, sure does love to tease ya
I think I’d be better off if I had selective amnesia

I forgot my new pin number, so I’m broke at the ATM
I forgot to buy cucumber, my salad’s all lettuce again
So many things I seem to forget, there’s just one I haven’t yet
Like a monkey stuck in a cage at the zoo, I can’t seem to forget about you
I can’t seem to forget about you